Its been a long time since I have posted anything on this blog. I decided to first take a mini-vacation, then that turned into a hiatus, then a “I’ll post when I feel like it”.
The problem is that I have had far too much going on to give any attention here. A lot has changed in the last few months and while I do have more free time, now, I find it filled with housework and chores. This is all fine of course, but it has really made me consider my plans for all of my outlets; video games, the blog, my Facebook page (which is thoroughly unsuccessful), Twitter, Instagram, crafting, couponing, my Etsy shop, and my personal Facebook account.
How much can I handle before I break again? It is a lot to keep up with and the more I think about it the more it just makes me…sad. Why would I continue doing things that give me no joy? I love keeping in touch with people, but hate that icky feeling I get when I don’t have any “likes”, or when something doesn’t understand and posts an off-handed comment. My worth should not be defined as such.
If you could only see me now. I’m lying in bed, pondering such things and trying to remember what my therapist told me: “Live in the moment.”
Meanwhile, my husband is at work, putting in extra effort so that I can be healthy.
A few months ago, we saw that my mental state had deteriorated to the point where I would burst into tears and find myself unable to explain why. I had terrible thoughts that really scared me, and though I was (and still am) going to therapy, I was not getting better.
Brett wanted me to talk to management and let them know that I was unable to work my scheduled times, in an attempt to move me into a different position. While they’ve been able to do this in the past for others, unfortunately, they were unable to do so for me.
So I left.
While this sounds like a bad, rash decision, please note that I have been unhappy for a very long time. I am fairly certain that the only reason I made it as long as I did was because I worked with my husband. He kept my sanity intact as long as he could without even realizing it. He was there for every outburst and every panic attack to get me back up and running.
Just a side note, but you know, it’s humorous to me how quickly people jump to conclusions when you put in a notice at work. I had many people ask if I was pregnant (“No, sorry to disappoint”), if Brett and I were getting a divorce (“Absolutely not!!”), or if Brett was leaving, too (“Not that I’m aware of”). Everyone was very quick to find a valid reason for my sudden notice. At first, I was embarrassed to explain exactly why I was leaving. How do you condense nearly four years of pain into a sentence or two?
So I settled for, “I’m not healthy and need to focus on getting better.” Generally when people heard this, they were happy for me. Sometimes people would press for more details. A lot of people couldn’t understand why I would just quit my job without having another one. I understand; I was really hesitant to do so.
Honestly, I’m so much happier. I can take my time and really decide what I want to do. I’ve thought about going back to school, perhaps finishing my AA or getting an Administrative Assistant certificate. In the meantime, I’m able to really focus on myself, while spending more time with family and friends.
I’d like to spend more time making things, now that I have time, and with that, the hope that I can blog more. I genuinely do love sharing my experiences with other people, and hope that someone finds benefit from what I’ve learned.
However, I’ve decided to step back from Facebook. I feel very sad (overall) when I use it; as though I am not validated unless I have likes and comments.
Instagram will stay, because cat photos. Even though it’s algorithm is messed up (like Facebook’s), I feel it’s a more positive place for a personal account.
I suppose that’s all. A raw update? An unfiltered essay? I’m not sure. It feels good to get it off of my chest, though.
Hey, everyone. I’m currently on a holiday hiatus, but something came up today that made me feel very empowered, and I wanted to share it with you.
My next official post will be January 5th, 2018. (no longer on a schedule)
I’m usually a very reserved and introverted person. I have a hard time standing up for myself, especially in public with strangers. Confrontation makes me nervous and it’s frankly something I avoid, if I can.
Today, a man at a local store called out to me, “I like your leggings!” I replied with a “thank you” because yes, they are badass leggings. (shout out to my people at Wild Bangarang!)
If it had stopped there, it would have been fine; compliments are OK. However, the wolf whistle that he made (after I had turned the corner) was not.
I had to stop.
Did that really just happen?
I’ve had unwanted advances (well beyond just compliments) before. The last time was humiliating for me. Afterwards, I avoided wearing my leggings because of it.
I decided that I was tired of letting these people control how I feel. I am tired of letting their comments affect my wardrobe choices or how I think about myself.
I called back with a simple, but firm, “That’s not appropriate.” His disappointed “Oh…” was satisfying. I felt that for the fist time in my life I had really stood up for myself, against my nature.
Don’t give others control over your happiness. Don’t tolerate disrespect. Stand up for yourself, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
I have a confession to make: I spend far too much money at Joann’s.
I could easily spend hours in that store and still end up walking out the doors with far more than I planned.
Needless to say, my husband grimaces whenever I mention wanting to stop by. He knows when I say, “It’ll only be twenty minutes or so!”, it’ll really be an hour or more.
I ended up hitting my Joann’s store twice, a few days apart. The first day I went, I wasn’t even aware that there was a sale going on! I had received the mailer the week before, but thought that I wouldn’t have any time to go, so I had already forgotten about it.
On my way home from a meeting with a friend, I decided that I’d swing by. Both my Silhouette blade and mat needed replacement and I didn’t want to wait for a shipment from Amazon. I wish that the coupons they had worked on Silhouette supplies! At least now I know to keep a back stock on hand!
Once I had found my supplies, I did my usual swing through the fabric section. For me, perusing the fabric section is the highlight of any Joann’s trip. Of course, this is probably one of the reasons that no Joann’s trip is a quick one.
I noticed the sale sign above the patterns. Simplicity patterns were five for $5.00! I was so excited that I practically ran to the pattern book table. I think the hardest part was deciding on only ten patterns!
After looking at what they had and finding only the patterns in my size, I decided on these ones!
I mostly focused on costume ideas for this trip to the store, although there’s a few extras.
I’ve been eyeing the Lolita dress pattern for a while, because my best friend, Erin, and I want to make one based off of an inside joke. We’re wanting crazy cat prints!
I picked up both 1153 and 8316 based on possible future gifts or things to just occupy any spare time I have. I really loved the belt on the Firefly inspired pattern, and of course I had to get the Moonie pattern, too. I tried convincing my husband, Brett, to do a Mario/Luigi or Mario/Peach costume with me, but so far he seems to need a bit more persuading!
If this wasn’t enough, I decided to pop by the store AGAIN on another day. The sale was still going on and I was in the area dropping something off at a friend’s house. This haul was more on the McCall’s side, because at this point the Simplicity patterns were slim pickings!
I was really hoping to get the Simplicity version of the Japanese school uniform pattern, but they didn’t have the plus sized pattern in stock (insert frowny face here). However, the McCall’s version should cover everything I need, if not with a little adjusting.
I also grabbed a pattern for Brett, which is the printed suit pattern, D0850. I don’t know what pattern he’ll end up wanting, but it’ll be a hit, I’m sure.
I didn’t get as many costume patterns this time around, mostly because everything was pretty sold out. But I did get a few for-fun project ideas.
I can’t wait to put these to good use!
It pains me to say it, but it must be done.
The idea of McCrEevee is no more.
I came to this conclusion after trying (and failing) to produce a decent sketch of how the cosplay would look.
My original plan was to attach the ears to the hat, tail to the back of the chaps and make McCree’s serape a fur cloak, to better represent Eevee’s fluff.
But after sketching for the last four months and pattern searching, I just am not satisfied with how the final costume will look to continue this project.
This means that I’ll instead be making both a McCree costume and an Eevee costume.
My best friend is also making a Pokemon costume, but hers is Jigglypuff. I kid you not, I have a bag full of different pink fabrics sitting in my craft room closet waiting for the two of us to start these costumes. She’s picked up some tulle (both with and without glitter), iridescent pink, satin…I’m excited to see how well this costume comes together!
I’ll be making Eevee to go with hers. This also frees up my husband, Brett, to be able to do a normal Gary Oak.
Now that I finally have a focus, I’m excited to start planning! I’ve already started another Eevee themed project, and have to say that there are definitely a few pieces from it that I’ll be incorporating in my cosplay.